My beautiful climbing boy

Part of this journey has been accepting who my son is, with all the ways he experiences life, accepting his abundant energy, and embracing his love for climbing and enjoying life! I was talking to a friend today (you know who you are…take things easy!) and we were discussing how much we don’t really like the word “disorder”. Honestly, to us who don’t have sensory needs (while all of us do have sensory preferences) maybe it might seem like that because their body doesn’t react to things in a way we think of as “normal” (by the way, I really dislike this word, I grew up hearing that “normal” is just the setting on a dryer). We can’t all be the same, and I would like to venture some of the greatest astronauts have SPD, as do many that involve tolerating great body pressure (such as pilots). My son is beautifully and wonderfully made EXACTLY as intended. That being said, after the diagnosis I needed to step back, take a deep breath looking at their “findings” and have a good cry. Don’t forget to grieve that there is something that wasn’t expected about your child, and life can sometimes be difficult for them to filter. It’s important to make sure we don’t  just brush it off like it doesn’t matter, because in their world it matters a great deal.

But, I started feeling like I needed to control his environment, teach him all he needed to know and harness him to be like others…before you judge, I know now that was NOT what my approach should have been. You are going to find if you have a child that senses the world differently that the rules of your home are going to have to be a little different. My son crawls on the back of the couch (like our cat) because it makes him feel good, and the balance helps his body, I kept telling him just to sit down and calm himself. He used to constantly climb the wall frame (yes, literally) that joins our living room and kitchen, and I told him to get down, it was too dangerous!  He hung on our arms and asked to be swung like a monkey, and I said I was too tired, go watch a movie.  I wanted to reign him in, “tame him” so to speak. I was exhausted, and I wasn’t happy, or even close to enjoying my son. I would in desperation put him in front of a screen (this causes overstimulating especially for kids sensitive to stimulus and in turn made him more hyper) instead of taking him to a park, or even grab his arms and swing him around because I was not accepting it, I was controlling it. It can be hard, especially if you are not super active like your child (like me). But, you need to give them the opportunities to meet the need without the struggle. 

I reached a point of utter desperation when I saw myself (in my mind’s eye) holding dozens of wild horses, trying to pull them in, trying to make these animals tame. All the while my hands were clenched, my sweat and tears were all for not. These animals were meant to be wild, and I was holding them back. I was holding my son back. 

I finally let go, but I did it with peace, I knew it was the right thing to do. The amazing thing is that I saw the most beautiful sight in front of me. My beautiful son, the wild stallion, finally free to be what he was created to be.